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AT THE DEATH OF MY
STEPFATHER
This message is, again, somewhat autobiographical and "close to home", in that it was delivered at the funeral service of my stepfather in 1994. He had suffered for a number of years from kidney failure and Alzheimer's disease. The names have not been changed in any way.
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A Message in Celebration of the Life of
JUDSON A. PARKER
September 28, 1994
First Presbyterian Church
Bernardsville, New Jersey
The Rev. Dr. James S. Vuocolo
"FIGHTING THE GOOD FIGHT"
In the Second Letter to Timothy, the Apostle Paul, writes the following words of affirmation and hope:
As for me, I am already being poured out as a libation, and the time of my departure has come. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. From now on there is reserved for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will give me on that day, and not only to me but also to all who have longed for his appearing. - 2 Timothy 4:6-8 (NRSV)
Death comes to everyone - yet no one fully understands what actually happens when it does ...
All we know is that at one moment someone is fully conscious in our lives; Able to move, and think, and act - And then, in another moment, something happens to that body; And there's no more consciousness, no response, no breathing ... And the feeble means we use to describe this phenomenon is simply to say that "death has come"...There are various ways for doctors and others in the medical community to attempt an explanation of what has happened: The person's heart stops beating; Their Brain ceases to function; Their blood no longer circulates, and their cells stop dividing - This is one way we attempt to explain death to ourselves, and to one another...
BUT WHAT'S ACTUALLY HAPPENED TO THE PERSON WHO HAS NOW ENTERED INTO A PLACE THAT'S TEMPORARILY CLOSED TO THE REST OF US? No one has ever returned to fully explain it to us... No one comes back and says: "Here's what it's like on the other side..." And so, we're each left alone with our own strange and private thoughts about death - And about the actual state of Being for our loved ones who have passed on from this world to some other place and time.
Throughout recorded history there have been numerous attempts to render satisfactory answers to these things... Yet it's pretty much still the same kind
of a Mystery that it's always been since the very first human being fell upon the earth from death - And Someone went up, and discovered that the poor soul no longer had any movement, or breath, or consciousness - And so, for lack of a better term,
they eventually called it "death" ... But it largely remains a Mystery to us, because it's something that humanity has never been able to explain to anyone's genuine satisfaction... Perhaps, including our own!
This past Saturday, Jud Parker personally experienced a Mystery we call "Death" - And try as
we might to "explain it" (for ourselves and others) in recalling his various hospital stays, his dialysis treatments and tests, his numerous trips to the doctors, and all the rest ... At least some part of the reason that each one of us is here today, is because we still seek a meaningful answer to the "Mystery" that he experienced on Saturday - A Mystery that we have not yet come to know for ourselves ...All that we DO KNOW, is that we're now
experiencing a tremendous Void in our lives, individually and collectively, where Jud's once
vigorous and affable Presence among us, used to be...As a beloved husband to Ann for 32 years; as a Father to Gary & Gail; and Grandfather to their Children; As a Step-Father to me and Step- Grandfather to our son; as an Uncle and a Brother;
and as a long-time friend to the entire Somerset Hills Community through many years of dedicated service as a Kiwanian... a genuine loss has occurred in each our lives at Jud's passing ...
Some may recall that it wasn't easy for Jud to be accepted into our family ... and many was the night that we personally argued into the wee hours of the morning over the meaning of the war in Viet Nam, the legacy of Watergate and Richard Nixon, or - later on - how many "Godless Communists" he believed had actually infiltrated the religion departments at Bloomfield College and Drew University ...But I'll tell you this ... whenever I needed him -- and whenever any one of YOU ever needed him -- despite our many differences of opinion -- Jud Parker was always there ...
It was Jud who drove me into Queens, New York
to identify my own father's dead body in a hospital morgue in 1971; and Jud who quietly and efficiently
ran countless numbers of thankless errands during so many times of family crisis and emergencies over the years ... And who can ever forget the outrageous hats he would wear as the long-time Auctioneer at the annual Kiwanis Fair! It was Jud who always had a
quick remark or a favorite story on any subject -- Yet who also had something good to say in almost any given situation.Keep in mind that what remains a "Mystery for Humanity" is not necessarily "Mysterious" to God.
We know from our human experience that whenever someone sets out to write a Mystery, the author usually knows what the outcome will be, even BEFORE a single phrase has ever been committed to paper ... The Reader may not know the outcome until
everything leading up to the conclusion has been
read and evaluated - But the author not only has already "Solved" the Mystery; but has "Created it"
for the reader's enjoyment in the first place!
And so it is with Life... For the Author of Life and death, the Creator of each human being, already knows the end of each one of our Stories... Even if You and I can't yet "Solve" it; or even "Explain it" to
our own satisfaction - God already knows all about it!
In fact, God has already provided us with ALL that anyone ever really needs to know about this Mystery,
in the Person of Jesus Christ. For indeed, as soon as God sent Jesus into this world in human form - he was consigned to die, just like Jud, and like all the rest of us! Ask Jud Parker, "How's business?" and watch as he grins, gives a thumbs-up and says, "Great -- the death rate's up!"
And yet, God Raised-up Jesus from the dead, in order to replace our Fears of this Unknown Mystery with the genuine Peace that comes in knowing that God has also promised to raise-up each one of us
who now trust in this same Jesus for our own salvation!In the Miracle of the Resurrection, it's as if Jesus
was attempting to say to us all: "Look here, even if you don't yet fully understand about death, I do! I've been there, and I've returned to take you through this experience with me ... Come, and let me lead you through it! Don't be afraid - I'll show you the way, myself ... Just follow me!""I have fought the good fight, I have won the race, I have kept the faith ... henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness ..." Nothing else can ever be more important for any of us than this ...
Jud Parker came to understand and appreciate this genuine truth of God during the past few years of his life. While physically failing, he reaffirmed the Christian faith he had known as a long-time Methodist in his youth - A faith that, as a Gift of God's grace, served to nurture and sustain him during many difficult days - So that even he whom many knew only as being "the life of the party" with a quick-wit and a smile -- now shared in a private prayer-life with his wife at home, and from his hospital bed, for as long as he possibly could.
Mother, as you know, I phoned Debbie in Wyoming earlier this morning at nearly six o'clock her time, in order to have her go to my computer and retrieve a poem that I thought I had brought with me. It's an annonymous poem entitled, "Shed Not Too Many Tears" -- and I think it captures something of the sentiment that Jud would share with you, today, if he were able to do so ... It simply says:
Shed not too many tears when I shall leave;
Be brave enough to smile,
It will not shorten, howsoe'er you grieve,
Your lonliness the while.
I would not have you sorrowful and sad,
But joyfully recall...
The glorious companionship we've had,
And thank God for it all.Don't let your face grow tear-streaked, pale
and wane;
Have heart for mirth and song -
Rejoice, though for a little while I've gone,
That I was here so long.For if I thought your faith would fail you so,
And leave you so distressed;
That sobbing to my body's grave you'd go,
My spirit could not rest.
For many years, in many different roles, Jud Parker exemplified Community spirit in a way that teaches us all a great deal about the virtues of serving others during the course of this life.
In reflecting over his many different achievements during these past few days, I'm convinced that Jud was an entrepreneur, long before anyone thought it fashionable to become one! His long involvement and leadership in many different local business, community and service organizations causes us to admire and respect his legacy of accomplishments in our midst.
So it's really no surprise, then, how it is that he continued to "fight the good fight" and cling to life for as long as he could - despite his own failing medical condition. In his own way, I'm sure that he came to know something meaningful and significant about Death, as well as about Life ... And, in this, too, there is good reason for us to believe that Jud has "fought the good fight", and "finished the race (of this life) in faith."Jud was never afraid of death, because he was never afraid of life -- And he knew that the two were inter-related; two-halves of the same reality we call, "human existence".
Death may remain a Mystery for many, as we've
said ... But it's only satisfactory "Solution" rests in a Faith that enables us to overcome the inner doubts
and fears that it usually brings...Like Jesus before him, Jud has clearly shown, by
his own example, that the Apostle Paul's words can apply equally as well to any one of us: "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."
And so, we're grateful for the example and legacy he has given to us, And we pray for his complete reward, now, in the Eternal Presence and Care of God, within that Heavenly Realm which has no end.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow; Including
a very special blessing, who was known to us all as Judson A. Parker - And for solving, by grace through faith, even the greatest Mystery of Life; Through Jesus Christ, our Risen Lord and Saviour -- Who is, and Who ever remains, the Greatest Lover of our souls this day, and forever.
Amen and Amen.
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© 1997, 1999 by J.S. Vuocolo. All rights reserved.