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AUTO ACCIDENT OF
23 YEAR OLD MALE
The following message was delivered at the funeral service of a single 23-year-old man who was killed without warning in an automobile accident, together with a male friend.
The boy's parents and seventeen-year-old sister were not members of any Church. I was asked to pastorally intervene based upon my personal aquaintance with these parents in community activities. All family names have been changed to protect the identity of these brave people.
Thursday, October 13, 1994
Thanksgiving in Celebration of the Life of
Mark D. Rose
September 18, 1971 - October 8, 1994
Rev. Dr. James S. Vuocolo, Pastor
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"Fear not, for I am with you, be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand." - Isaiah 41:10These words from the book of the prophet Isaiah
are highly significant and meaningful for each of us at times like this - Because the promises of God are
all that we have to rely upon, once the so-called "natural order of things" has seemingly failed us during the course of this life. And inasmuch as the promise of the Gospel is not only to us, but also to each of our children, we gather together today in celebration of a young person's life, which now continues to unfold and endure in the mind of God, from whence it first came ...And today, as we gather to celebrate Mark's life,
the Word of God comes to each one of us - the family members and friends of Mark Rose - Just as it first came to Mary, the mother of our Lord, Jesus Christ; and to the Shepherds abiding in the fields, keeping watch over their flocks by night, in celebration of our Savior's birth, saying: "Fear not - Don't be afraid - for
I am with you" ...It's no accident that we find these Words of comfort at the very outset of most messages that come to us from God. For God knows that we live most of our lives in fear. And that, even when faced with the death of a loved one, we fear having to face the reality of it within our hearts.
Consequently, it seems as though none of us ever completely knows what to say to those who survive the unnatural death of a loved one in our society - especially when that loved one is as young and as full of life as was Mark ... A young man who grew up loving the great outdoors, and who spent many hours fishing and hunting with his Dad ... A young man who enjoyed country music and country dancing ... and a young man who loved to laugh and carry-on with his family members and friends.
According to his sister, Penny -- Mark was "a funny guy who made you laugh", and "someone who really cared about others ..." She also told me that when Mark moved to Denver, there was a woman in her 90's who lived in an apartment above his Grandmother -- and Mark made it a point to visit with her on a regular basis. It's hard saying "goodbye" to someone like that.
In learning the news of someone's death, and depending upon the circumstances surrounding it,
we sometimes hear people say things like: "It's a blessing"... Yet we know, even as such words are being spoken, that we somehow don't feel very blessed. Others may say, "Well, at least he (or she) didn't suffer" - Yet even as we speak it, we know that the people we're saying this to are suffering still...Then, of course, there's the all-too-familiar phrase: "It's the will of God ..."
I've never been one who seeks to "legislate morality". Nor do I engage in telling others what they can or cannot do or say. Yet I suspect that if there's one thing I was, indeed, given control over, it would be to eliminate this phrase from anyone's lips at a time when any unnatural death takes place ... For the God who sent Jesus Christ into the world to suffer and die for our sake is not a God who's hand is upon any of the triggers, or knife handles, or steering wheels that accidentally kill people in our society.
In fact, we know that ours is a God who is dead set against all unnatural forms of death; And a God who has acted to conquer death, itself, in the giving of Jesus Christ to die on our behalf, so that we each might have Life, abundant and eternal. And here, once again, the record is clear. For Jesus spent an inordinate amount of time delivering people from blindness and paralysis, from insanity and leprosy, from deafness, and even from death itself. So why would this same God now seek to "will" the unnatural and untimely death of anyone?
Now this is not to say that there is no such thing as "death by natural causes" - for, indeed, I can think of many people right here in our own local community, whose death has resulted from a state of prolonged illness. And at such times, and in such cases, it may very well be that the will of God is at work to provide the only source of healing and wholeness that is honestly left to us, in the form of death, once all of our medical efforts have failed ... Yet to suggest that God somehow wills the unnatural and untimely death of anyone, is to ascribe to God the same characteristics of a "Cosmic Sadist" who somehow delights in the misery of others. And nothing could ever be further from the truth of the Christian Gospel, than this.
It was not the will of God that Mark's car could not stop, for whatever reason, before colliding with a guard rail in Denver, last Saturday. And it was not the will of God that he, and the other young boy who was with him, should die - leaving all of their family members and friends behind to grieve ...
When I initially learned of Mark's death, it came in
the form of an unexpected telephone call to my home on Sunday evening ... And it came as a complete surprise. I remember stating my own surprise; And then seeking to offer my assistance, only after the initial shock had begun giving way to reason, once again. But I would never, in this or any other similar circumstance, say or suggest that such a tragic event was somehow the result of God's will. And so I trust that it will be of some genuine comfort to Penny, Don and Bonnie -- together with the rest of Mark's family members and friends -- when I tell you that once the lives of these two young men actually ended last Saturday, and their unnatural and untimely death became a reality, God's heart was the very first of all our hearts to break; and God's tears of sorrow were undoubtedly the very first tears to be shed over the loss we now share and endure together ...At the still tender age of 23, Mark was just beginning to discover the value of life in our society. No one ever prepares us for the unnatural and untimely deaths of our children and young people - because no one ever really expects them to beat us to the grave. And yet, Mark's tragic accident last Saturday serves to remind us all, that sometimes, they do ...
We know that, when our parents and grandparents die, they take with them a large portion of the past. Yet the tragedy that occurs when our children and grand-children die, is that they take away something of our future, as well. That's precisely what makes the "valley of the shadow of death" seem so incredibly long and dark at times like these.
And yet, that's also precisely why each of us needs the comfort and consolation of a God Who fully knows, and understands, and shares in our pain. For God does know, and does fully understand, what it's like to have a Son lost to a tragic and unnatural form of death at the very moment in time when it seems as if all of his options still lay ahead ...
Yet whether the unnatural and untimely death of a young man is caused by a traffic accident, or by a Cross, it's a difficult and even crucifying experience for each of us to bear. And so, I think it helps us all to know that God is fully sharing in this burden with us, here today. And that the Christ who suffered and died from an unnatural death on the Cross at Calvary's Hill, is the same Risen One Who is now cradling Mark Rose, and his driving companion, in the out-stretched arms that still bear the marks of His own wounds from an unnatural and untimely death.
A Scandinavian Proverb that's meaningful to the members of Mark's family simply says: "GO OFTEN TO THE HOUSE OF THE LORD - FOR SOON WEEDS CHOKE UP THE UNUSED PATH ..." As they walk, arm in arm, down the path of eternity in God's everlasting Realm, we are assured that, for Mark, death is past and pain is ended - And that he, together with our Crucified and Risen Lord, now awaits our own arrival in that Glorious Kingdom that has no end, where the sun neither rises, nor sets.And, in the quiet and lonely moments of our lives, deep within us all - perhaps amid the slow and deliberate journey from this place, we may yet hear the still, small voice of comfort and grace that speaks a Divine Word of promise to us all, saying:
"Fear not, for I am with you, be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand." - Isaiah 41:10
May it be so, in each of our lives, this day and forever - through Jesus Christ our Lord and our Redeemer; Who is, and Who ever remains, the Greatest Lover of our souls, and of our children, this day, and always.Amen and Amen.
SOMETIME WE'LL UNDERSTAND
- by Maxwell N. CorneliusNot now, but in the coming years
It may be in the Better Land,
We'll read the meaning of our tears,
And there, sometime, we'll understand.We'll catch the broken threads again,
And finish what we here began;
Heav'n will the mysteries explain,
And then, Ah then, we'll understand.We'll know why clouds instead of sun
Were over so many a cherished plan;
Why song has ceased, when scarce begun;
'Tis there, sometime, we'll understand.Why what we long for most of all
Eludes so oft our eager hand;
Why hopes are crushed and castles fall,
Up there, sometime, we'll understand.God knows the way, he holds the key,
He guides us with unerring Hand;
Sometime with tearless eyes we'll see;
Yes there, up there, we'll understand.Then trust in God through all thy days;
Fear not, for He doth hold thy hand;
Though dark thy way, still sing and praise,
Sometime, sometime, we'll understand.
HE'S ONLY GONE ONAt last his gallant soul
TOOK FLIGHT
Into the LAND
WHERE THERE IS NO NIGHT.But his name is CARVED
in our HEARTS TO STAY
As we think of things
that he used to say.So he is not dead,
he's only "GONE ON"
Into a BRIGHTER,
MORE WONDERFUL DAWN.For men like him
were not born to die
But, like the SUN
that shines in the sky,
They warm the "earth"
and the "Hearts of Men"
And in HAPPY REMEMBRANCE
they live again ...So while he sleeps
and his voice is still,
His spirit goes on
and it always will.
SHED NOT TOO MANY TEARS
Shed not too many tears when I shall leave;
Be brave enough to smile,It will not shorten, howsoe'er you grieve,
Your lonliness the while.I would not have you sorrowful and sad,
But joyfully recallThe glorious companionship we've had,
And thank God for it all.Don't let your face grow tear-streaked, pale and wane;
Have heart for mirth and song -Rejoice, though for a little while I've gone,
That I was here so long.For if I thought your faith would fail you so,
And leave you so distressed;That sobbing to my body's grave you'd go,
My spirit could not rest.- Annonymous
Don, Bonnie & Penny Rose
XXXXXXXX
XXXXXX, XX XXXXXOctober 13, 1994
Dear Don, Bonnie & Penny:
Please accept my sincere sympathy during this time of loss
and adjustment. It was my privilege to conduct the service in
celebration of Mark's life earlier today.I have enclosed several copies of my remarks for you, and your family members, in the hope that this will be of some further comfort in the days ahead. Please know that I appreciated
being of assistance to you and your family during this difficult time.Be assured of my continued concern and prayerful support in
the days ahead. If there is anything further I can do, please do
not hesitate to call.
Faithfully ever, your friend,
Pastor Jim
The Rev. Dr. James S. Vuocolo
Enc: 3 each
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© 1997, 1999 by J.S. Vuocolo. All rights reserved.