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The following message was delivered at the funeral service of a baby daughter who was stillborn due to an umbilical cord inexplicably wrapped around her neck. The shocked parents, both in their late twenties, were members of a local Episcopal Church that was without pastoral leadership at this time. They already had two healthy children at home. I was asked to pastorally intervene because of my brief aquaintance with the parents in the community.
This event followed a normal pregnancy without incident. However, there was no fetal monitor on the mother while in labor. One of the most difficult experiences in my life was carrying this infant's small white casket from her parent's car to the grave-site for the service if committal at the local cemetery. All family names have been changed to protect the identity of these truly brave and corageous people.
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A Service in Celebration of the Life of
DIANNE ELIZABETH HORN
All Saints Episcopal Church
October 17, 1994
Rev. Dr. James S. Vuocolo, Pastor
The United Church of Christ
In the 18th Chapter of St. Luke's Gospel, we encounter the following words:
"People were bringing even infants to him that he might touch them; and when the disciples saw it, they sternly ordered them not to do it. But Jesus called for them and said, "Let the little children come to me and do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the Kingdom of God belongs."
- Luke 18:15-17, NRSV
Today, this image from the Gospel of Luke is especially significant and meaningful in each of our lives. For today, we gather together as a people of God whose faith is being severely tested. As we endure the tragic and painful loss of a beautiful baby girl named Dianne Elizabeth, we know that the so-called "natural order of things" has failed us, once again, during the course of this life -- And so, we're understandably upset and afraid. For us, the world has become an unfamiliar and inhospitable place, once again, this week -- with no answers that can truly satisfy the deepest yearnings of our souls.
All we know is that we share the belief that Dianne should be alive and well and nursing at her mother's breast as other infants do. Barbara and Joseph should be at home showing Sally how to care for her new baby sister -- and everyone should be taking turns keeping Peter occupied in some other direction! And yet, instead of this long hoped for, and carefully planned for reality - for some strange reason that no one can name -- Dianne is dead. And so, instead of gathering together at the Horn residence to meet and greet this new little girl with cameras in hand; we now gather together at the house of the Lord, holding only our hearts in our hands, in order to bid her farewell.
At times such as this, we rightfully feel that life is cruel and unfair. We know we've been cheated -- and that something very precious has been taken away. Medical science has told us something of "how" this tragedy has occured -- they speak of a baby in utero; an umbilical cord; a million-to-one accidental event -- But no one has told any of us "WHY" this tragic event has occured in our lives. And it is precisely this all-too-human dilemma that we each come to lay before the altar of God, in our heart-of-hearts, this day.
Indeed, we've all come to ask the question, "Why"? And all I can honestly tell any one of you, as I've already shared with Barbara and Joseph, is that there is no satisfactory answer during the course of this life to be found. And yet, I also tell each of you with an equal degree of certainty that God is truly with each one of us, here today -- and that God fully shares in our pain.
It was not God's will or intention that Dianne not live to grow up in our midst. And it was not God's will that she should leave all of her family members, and each of their friends, behind to grieve ... For to suggest that God somehow wills the unnatural and untimely death of anyone, is to ascribe to God the characteristics of a "Cosmic Sadist" who somehow delights in the misery of others. And nothing could ever be further from the truth of the Christian Gospel, than this. And so I trust it will be of some genuine comfort to Barbara and Joseph, to Sally and Peter -- together with the rest of their family members and friends -- when I tell you that once the life of this beautiful little girl had actually ended, and her untimely death became a reality in our midst, God's heart was the very first of all of our hearts to break; and God's tears of sorrow were undoubtedly the very first tears to be shed over the loss we now gather together to share and
endure ...No one ever prepares us for the untimely loss of our children and young people - because no one ever really expects them to beat us to the grave. And yet, Dianne's tragic death serves to remind us all, that sometimes, despite our very best efforts and intentions - they do ... We know that, when our parents and grand-parents die, they take with them a sense of personal and family history, and a large portion of the past. Yet the tragedy that occurs when our children and grand-children die, is that they take away something of our future, as well. And that's precisely what makes the "valley of the shadow of death" seem so incredibly long and dark at times like this.
And yet, that's also precisely why each of us needs the comfort and consolation of a God Who fully knows, and understands, and shares in our pain. For God does know, and God does fully understand, what it's like to have a Child lost to a tragic form of death at the very moment in time when it seems as if all of that child's potential still lays ahead ... For whether the untimely death of a young person takes place by an inexplicable accident at birth, or is caused later on by a Roman Cross, it's a difficult and even crucifying experience for each of us to bear. Indeed, it's every parent's worst nightmare -- so just imagine how much more frightening it must be for our Heavenly Parent-God to endure! I think it helps us all to know that God is fully sharing in this burden with us, here today. And that the Christ who suffered and died from an unnatural death on the Cross at Calvary's Hill, is the same Risen One Who is now cradling Dianne, in the very same out-stretched arms that still bear the marks of His own wounds from an untimely death.
As they walk, together, down the path of eternity in God's everlasting Realm, we are assured that, for Dianne, death is past and pain is ended - And that she, together with our Crucified and Risen Lord, now awaits our own arrival in that Glorious Kingdom that has no end, where there is no pain or suffering, and where the sun neither rises, nor sets -- and where we shall one day come to enjoy her company for all of eternity.
Whenever the so-called "natural order of things" fails to work during the course of this life -- the promises of God are all that any of us truly has to rely upon. And inasmuch as the promise of the Gospel is not only to us, but also to each of our children, we can and do gather together, here today, as a people of genuine faith in celebration of Dianne's life. Today, we come to thank God that the resurrection- promise of the Gospel has been fulfilled for her, despite the sorrow of the moment ... For we know that her life continues to unfold - and will endure for all of eternity - in the mind and in the heart of God, from whence it first came ... And that she is being nurtured and cared for by our Risen Lord and Redeemer, even Jesus Christ, who told each of his disciples: "Let the little children come to me and do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the Kingdom of God belongs."
Today, that portion of God's heavenly Realm which belongs to Dianne Elizabeth Horn is being well-tended. And we send her all of our love, and our prayerful best-wishes -- knowing full well that we shall one day be seated with her, and feast together, at the Lamb's Banquet Table of Life. May it be so, in each of our lives, through Jesus Christ our Lord and our Redeemer; Who is, and Who ever remains, the Greatest Lover of our souls, and of our children.
Amen and Amen.
Joseph & Barbara Horn
13XXX XXXXRoad
XXXXXXXX, XX XXXXXOctober 17, 1994
Dear Joseph & Barbara:
Please accept my sincere sympathy during this time of loss and adjustment. It was my privilege to conduct the service in celebration of Dianne's life earlier today.
I have enclosed several copies of my remarks for you, and your family members, in the hope that this will be of some further comfort in the days ahead. Please know that I appreciated being of assistance to you and your family during this difficult time.
Be assured of my continued concern and prayerful support in the days ahead. If there is anything further I can do, please do not hesitate to call.
Faithfully ever, your friend,
Pastor Jim
The Rev. Dr. James S. Vuocolo
Enc: 3 each
SOMETIME WE'LL UNDERSTAND
- by Maxwell N. CorneliusNot now, but in the coming years
It may be in the Better Land,
We'll read the meaning of our tears,
And there, sometime, we'll understand.We'll catch the broken threads again,
And finish what we here began;
Heav'n will the mysteries explain,
And then, Ah then, we'll understand.We'll know why clouds instead of sun
Were over so many a cherished plan;
Why song has ceased, when scarce begun;
'Tis there, sometime, we'll understand.Why what we long for most of all
Eludes so oft our eager hand;
Why hopes are crushed and castles fall,
Up there, sometime, we'll understand.God knows the way, he holds the key,
He guides us with unerring Hand;
Sometime with tearless eyes we'll see;
Yes there, up there, we'll understand.Then trust in God through all thy days;
Fear not, for He doth hold thy hand;
Though dark thy way, still sing and praise,
Sometime, sometime, we'll understand.
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